sometimes i think i would like to not have a girl body and just float around in some sort of gaseous pink substance and be alright. egotistical kings will turn you into thoughtless ephemeral plastic with their perverse rights to being sexually explicit. you will turn this red color and leave in the middle of chemical-fun in photography class and feel flattened at home while your mother says there there, you don't need relationships because you are so BRILLIANT. what. she's occupied with these outrageous analyzations of everything because her mother encouraged the side of my mother that doesn't exist. i think, if i'm analytical like this one then it doesn't pay because what IS that, it requires self imposed isolation and the tedium of thought scratches away every surface until beauty becomes more of a cerebral process than an emotion and where's god or anything else worthwhile in that? and the purpose of this is to please myself? to feel SUPERIOR? so secretary men in the photography room can "talk smack" and it makes me angrier than i should be because they're MORONS and therefore assume everyone else to be nothing more? should i be so scientific? approach everything with this "intelligent" disinterested blank-slate so facts of the universe might shimmy up and intrude themselves on me and i might live life to the fullest in a small grass hut putting together jigsaw puzzles? EH!?!?!?! (this is where i pause to straighten my tie and put my hair back where it belongs. also maybe i'm breathing into a paper bag.) here is another thought: i hope i'm not setting myself up for dissapointment when brother comes home tonight and i think this will fill me with comfort and happiness again. i think it is now obvious this is not why i am discomforted. i have possibly looked to this home-coming as a thing beyond what it's going to be.
butbut...iiiii don't know.
-
<
Free JavaScripts provided
by The JavaScript Source
the
digestive
system
>
