the heater puts dust in my eyes. i broke a spiderweb with my face clogging over wet fields, hard and shorn in the vein of starving sheep huddled in the netherlands twilight. i am looking for so-and-so i say, but once i find so-and-so there is a split second when i realize i have really been looking for a secret door in the soil and i do not want to talk to lauren riggs at all.

it felt good to break. wonderful. tiny embryonic fingers snapping around my throat.

a tragedy unfolds. tiny heads pushed ear to ear, too small for their owners' thoughts. voices filter through the branches in pale sunlight: come wednesday we will eat sandwiches and play video games and climb rusting buildings and crunch the earth beneath our sneaks < with little spits of whiteness coming from our nose and mouth.

it is too bad. i thought of him too harshly and some things are irreversable. halos of rain break onto my head and it really is fourth grade again, except this time i consider playing video games and eating sandwiches and finding out. but too late. now he says these things out of comedy or spite or a strange mixture of both, dead words severed from his hamroll insides, attached to a pole to showboat around. the ogre. the good ogre.

(i found a note in my library book today: "rowan, knock louder. were you sleeping? do you like ORANGES")























































































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